Sad and Confused...

Here I am sitting.. reading up some info from various websites... Nothing wrong right? ...then all of a sudden.. I feel an overwhelming desire to cry. That isn't normal. My heart feels so heavy. I am so confused. This is supposed to be a liberating experience. Why do I feel this way? I don't know why I want to cry. I don't know why my heart feels heavy.. but I think that I need to let my tears flow... (after I lock myself in my room). Any thoughts as to why this is happening? 

Another thing.. I am so confused. I am a solitary pagan trying to find my way along this path. I am in a country where anything non-christian is seen as the devil's work... so I can't find help here. My boyfriend is very supportive of my choice... or should I say tolerant? He is an atheist so he really doesn't see the point but will allow me to construct an altar in his room and the like. I can only rely on an online community for interaction.. podcasts and websites for information and.. well.. I still feel alone.  I don't know how to worship the Goddess... I don't know how to pray.. I try to and I just feel like I'm either failing miserably or I am not putting out enough. I actually feel self-conscious trying to pray. Sometimes I wonder if I really believe in what I subscribe to. So many times I wonder if I really like what I say I like ... even little things like a favourite colour. I second guess myself all the time. Maybe that's why I need to cry. I want to find my spirit and animal guides... I want to find my patron goddess (I'm thinking of Bast).. It all makes sense to me.. but ... what is wrong with me? 

 I am constantly plagued with migraines and tension headaches for many years now.. I.. don't know...

...

................. Sigh.. 

More than likely no one will read this anyway...

Chakras Continued

So... It seems as if I have many closed chakras. That's not good. Although I do suffer from migraines and tension headaches VERY often... I think my crown chakra should be becoming stronger as I have found the path that I want to take. It's just a little confusing ... especially seeing as I am solitary and have no way of speaking to others about it except through online situations.
Although my partner is supportive... he still doesn't see the value in it for himself.. so I can't discuss it with him. (-_-) so most of the time .. I really feel so alone.

That's sad isn't it? 

Chakras

...Sigh.. wow. Your Root Chakra is Strong If your Root Chakra is STRONG you are in the state where you love your career and get rewarded for being so good at it. Everybody envies you for your uncanny ability to make, save and invest money. You always have more than enough money to go on holiday and buy what you want, without feeling guilty afterwards. You always feel wanted and loved by your friends and family, and you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror, both physically and emotionally. If your Root Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED you tend to get stuck in an unfulfilling and unrewarding career, and you never seem to have enough money, which leaves you worried and in debt. Spending money is a harrowing experience for you, as you doubt your ability to budget effectively. You suffer from weight or body issues, which leave you feeling unworthy and uncomfortable in your own skin. » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system
Your Sacral Chakra is Strong If your Sacral Chakra is STRONG, you see sex in a positive light, as a glorious, pleasurable and healthy activity. You enjoy passionate, frequent and long-lasting sex with your partner. Orgasms are mind-blowing, and you and your partner often orgasm at the same moment. You make time to have sex at least a few times a week, even if you've been married or attached to the same person for years. You are always able to attract the right partners; compatible people who nourish you, fill you with joy and make you a better person. If your Sacral Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED, images of guilt and pain conjures in your mind when you think about sex. You rarely have the time or inclination to have sex, and when you do, it's lackluster. You and your partner rarely orgasm at the same time, and premature or delayed ejaculation may be a frequent problem. You struggle to see yourself as 'sexy', and sometimes wonder how anyone could desire you. Your partners are often wrong and incompatible for you, and you find yourself wondering if you'll ever find "the one". » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system
Your Personal Power Chakra isClosed If your Personal Power Chakra is STRONG, you are admired for your confidence and healthy self-esteem, both in your career and personal life. You're never afraid to speak your mind, and you empower those around you to do the same. Your family, colleagues and community see you as a charismatic individual, determined to use your charisma and power for making the world a better place. If your Personal Power Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED you tend to struggle with self-esteem issues, and feelings of unworthiness. You tend to question yourself when faced with important decisions like whether to move to another city, change your career, get married to your partner or to have children. You feel like a victim in the world, and often feel powerless to circumstances and other people's desires. You may also suffer from frequent stomach pains and stomach anxiety. » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system
Your Heart Chakra is Strong If your Heart Chakra is STRONG, you enjoy comfortable, loving and empathic relationships at home, at work and in your community. You get along with your family. Your friends see you as a reliable person. At work, you're known as the one people can talk to. You feel a heartfelt sense of gratitude for how wonderful your life is, and feel compassion for all around you. If your Heart Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED, you tend to sabotage your relationships with distrust, anger, and a sense that you'll lose your independence if you rely too much on others. You may struggle with commitment, experience frequent fights or misunderstandings with your loved ones, and always keep yourself "on guard" in case you get hurt by someone. » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system
Your Throat Chakra is Closed If your Throat Chakra is STRONG, you are good at voicing out your thoughts, ideas and emotions to those around you. You're admired for your willpower and strong communication skills, and your conviction to speak the truth, even if it may be uncomfortable to some. Your career and personal life are enriched as a result. If your Throat Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED, you constantly feel like nobody cares about your opinions, and that you have nothing of value to say. You're likely to be known as the 'quiet one' in your professional and social circles, and you frequently settle with following other people's opinions. You often suffer from a blocked and sore throat. » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system
Your Intuitive Chakra is Closed If your Intuitive Chakra is STRONG, you are able to make accurate intuitive decisions and evaluations about your career, your family and the intentions of other people. You often know things without knowing exactly how you know them, and you have a clear sense of direction and clarity in everything that you do. You have a vivid picture of where your life is headed, and the people around you are likely to rely on you for guidance and advice. If your Intuitive Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED, you have the tendency to feel helpless or lost when faced with decisions and judgment calls. You are indecisive, uncommitted and unconfident of the decisions you end up making, because you have a history of making the wrong ones. You feel spiritually lost, and your true purpose is unclear to you. You often get headaches and feel tension in your brow area. » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system
Your Crown Chakra is Weak If your Crown Chakra is STRONG, you perpetually feel connected to a higher power, be it God, Universal Consciousness or simply your higher self. As you go through your daily life, you are always reminded that you are being watched over, and you feel immense gratitude for the universal love and appreciation you feel towards yourself and others. Others describe you as "glowing". If your Crown Chakra is WEAK or CLOSED you tend to feel little or no connection to a higher power, and always feel alone. You feel unworthy of spiritual help, and perhaps even angry that your higher power has abandoned you. You often suffer from migraines and tension headaches. » Click here to learn how to instantly heal your weak or closed chakras and strengthen your entire energy system

Pagan And Proud

So, I joined Paganspace.net recently and so far, I am really loving the site. The members there are so kind and loving.. I felt welcome immediately. I feel happy. :3

Renewed Spirituality

So I took a long quiz on www.beliefnet.com (It's a community for every religion). So.. according to my personal beliefs ... I am 100% Neo-Pagan, 85% Mahayana Buddhist and 83% Therevada Buddhist. Well I always knew I shared Pagan views and was deeply attuned to their spirituality.. Well.. I feel ... clearer somehow. So it's settled. I am not a Pagan Buddhist, I am a Buddhist Pagan. A Pagan who shares Buddhist views. Glad that's settled. :)